cartoon bus blocking soccer goal

Here are some terms which you might want to know if you’ll be watching English football, aka soccer. This has been months in the making but really took shape during the first round of my English Soccer Tour.

Not all of these are “footy”-related, but you’ll run into them anyway, as I have.

Of course, it’s an ongoing process, so for you English folks reading, perhaps you can make suggestions for new ones and/or correct me where I’ve messed stuff up here.

Cheers, Paul



If Hull gets a guy sent off and then loses to Chelsea, then you would say Chelsea beat 10-man Hull. Funny thing is, the Hull man could be sent off in the 90th minute with Chelsea already ahead, 2-0, and commentators would probably say “10-man Hull.”


40 points

The supposed gold standard in points for staying in the Premier League. Lower and middling teams are always thought to be shooting for this first, then perhaps “climbing the table” and shooting for a “European place,” or else “making a Cup run.”


Added time

A half is 45 minutes, so if you spend two minutes dealing with an injured player, the ref adds two minutes to the end of the half. He also generally won’t stop the half during an attack by one of the teams.



Commercials: What all English people will mention, rightly, with regards to watching the NFL. They will also generally say “bloody hell” when discussing our football. (There are no ads during English soccer games, except at halftime.)

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Against the run of play

Let’s say that Aston Villa starts off well (brightly) and is dominating possession, “asking all the questions,” etc. — but then West Brom scores “from nothing.” Folks would say that goal came against the run of play.


All over the place

Playing like shit, especially on defense. This is funny to us Yanks, because if we say a defense, especially, is “all over the place,” it means they’re kicking ass and “swarming to the ball.”



Game played. You’ll hear “He had 21 goals in 60 appearances for club and country.”



In England a team is plural; that is, you’ll hear “Arsenal are really good.” In the States, we’d say “Arsenal is.”


At a canter

When I was headed to Sunderland to see them play Arsenal, my Sunderland friends assured me Arsenal would win the game “at a canter.” And they did, 2-0.


At sixes and sevens

Confused and dysfunctional, usually referring to defense. Apparently comes from some sort of dice game.


At the back

In defense, as in, “United are shit at the back.”


Away to

How they say “at,” as in “Crystal Palace are away to Spurs this weekend.”


Back four

Defense – you generally have four guys back there.


Back room

This one throws off a lot of Americans; it refers to the support staff of a club, which Americans call the Front Office.



The thing they kick, of course, but also what they call a pass — as in, “That was a great ball from Gerrard.”


angry man wearing suit

Looks like Big Sam will soon be throwing teacups. (via

Big Sam

Sam Allardyce, a manager of many clubs who is known for keeping clubs up and being a big, entertaining guy.



What we call shoes or cleats.



The 18-yard penalty area which, sadly, many American announcers refer to as “the 18.” This needs to stop.


Boxing Day

The day after Christmas, when the whole league plays.



Two goals scored by the same player in a game.



Doing well. You’ll even hear something like “Cardiff started the brighter in the first half.”


Busby Babes

In the mid 50s, Manchester United was winning league titles with a team that averaged about 22 years old, and their manager was Matt Busby. This would have made them famous enough, but eight of them were killed in the Munich Air Disaster in 1958, when the team plane crashed after a European Cup game.



An appearance for your national team; you used to actually get caps.



A wonderful English term for surrender. “Fulham will be looking to rebound this week after their utter capitulation at Hull.”



An attempt to stop or tackle a player.


Champions League

A tournament with all the top clubs from Europe playing against each other. In England, the top four teams go for the next season. This is possibly the greatest club competition in the world. The last English team to win it was Liverpool in 2018-19.



A near goal, something which is “created” and, if not “taken,” is said to be “wasted.” There are also half-chances, where you kind of could have scored.



An opposing player who’s done something wrong, like getting (aka “acting”) hurt or trying to win the game.



Most of us know that what we call fries, they call chips, and what we call chips, they call crisps. But you might not know that a fish and chips place could just be a chip shop, or a chippie. And if you want gravy on your chips (a popular option) you might order a gravy chippie. I should also point out that one of the most popular brands of crisps is Kettle Chips, from my home state of Oregon, and I have no idea how they reconcile this exception to the chip/crisp situation.

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Any time you see or hear the word “City,” it almost certainly means Manchester City, who won the league in 2012, 2014, 2018, and 2019.



Skill. Same as quality, below.


Class of 92

Six players who came up together through the Manchester United youth system, made their debuts in 1992, and formed the core of their awesome teams in the 1990s: Paul Scholes, Ryan Giggs, David Beckham, Nicky Butt and the Neville Brothers. (Giggs just retired in 2014!)



Ran into, clumsily.


Clean sheet

What we call a shutout.


Clear their lines

Get the ball the hell out of their end.



Well done, as in a “clinical finish.”



Complete, as in “A comprehensive 5-1 trashing.”



Late goal in a loss. You’re down 3-0, you get one with a minute to go, that’s a consolation goal.


Cover himself in glory

Do really well — but always used in the negative/sarcastic way. A keeper lets one go through his legs and he “didn’t cover himself in glory there.”



Really good one. Could be a game or a shot.


Cricket score

Cricket, a game that I don’t think anyone truly understands, often ends with fantastic scores like “India 159/7 (20/20 ov); Australia 86 (16.2/20 ov).” I don’t know what the hell that means, but if two soccer teams with crappy defenses and/or unstoppable offenses play each other, you just might get a “cricket score.”



A ball from “out wide” that goes “into the box.” Also known generally as a delivery or service.



Say Sunderland is leading Newcastle 1-0 with five minutes to go in a pretty even game, and then Sunderland gets two more to win, 3-0. Commentators would say this scoreline was “cruel” to Newcastle. Sunderland fans would disagree.



Tournament. The championship game is called the Cup Final. Here’s my guide to all the leagues and cups in English football.



Let’s say you start the season with Southampton, and play for them in the FA Cup. Then you transfer to Newcastle, who are also in the FA Cup. No matter how long Newcastle stay in the Cup, you can’t play for them, because you can only play for one team each year in the Cup. So, while at Newcastle that year, you are “cup-tied.”



Lame or even mean-spirited, usually referring to a tackle where you’re just taking somebody out harshly.



Getting the ball to somebody in a scoring position, such as a cross. This is also called service, generally.



Pronounced “darby,” this means a local rivalry game like Man City vs. Man U.



A faked attempt to draw a foul, especially in the penalty area. Just Google “Luis Suarez dive” or “Neymar dive” to see what I mean.


Do better

You get a free header, you don’t score, everyone will say you should have done better. Obvious meaning but common phrase.

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Lame or weak, usually used to refer to a keeper.



Winning two titles in the same season, say the League and FA Cup. Could also mean beating a league team twice in a year (league double) or, even better, beating your rivals twice (a derby double).



Two meanings: a tie (like 2-2) and also how Cup fixtures are determined. So the FA Cup fourth round draw is where they randomly select who is playing where in the fourth round.


End / stand

Most of their stadiums are in sections called ends (behind the goals) or stands.


End to end

A wide-open game, both teams “going for it” is “real end-to-end stuff.”



Tie the game. The tying goal is also called the equalizer.


Eyeballs out

As Urban Dictionary puts it, this is a “more polite version of balls out.” It means really going for it.



Football Association, the governing body for all football in England.


FA Cup

A tournament involving pretty much every professional team in England. It is unseeded, and who plays where is totally random. Bigger clubs join later, but every year you’ll see somebody from the Premier League playing in front of 6,000 people on a field that looks like cows graze on it during the week. Possibly the greatest sports competition in the world. The Final is played in May at Wembley.


Fair result

This is something Americans would never say. Everton is better in the first half and gets a goal, then West Brom is better in the second and gets a goal, it finishes 1-1 with no real controversy … that’s a fair result.



Football Club; appears in the official name of just about every team. So Fulham is actually Fulham FC.


Fergie Time

Sir Alex Ferguson, legendary manager of Manchester United, was thought to intimidate the hell out of referees. Because of this, it was always alleged that they added more injury time for United and/or let them go beyond its end — and United had a way of scoring during this time, hence Fergie Time.


Festive period

From just before Christmas to just after New Years, there are a lot of league and Cup games.



A comeback.



Same as in basketball; the act of scoring.



Healthy, as in injury-free. A guy gets back to being fit after an injury.



A scheduled game. Also called a match. Note that in the States, the home team on the schedule is listed on the bottom, but in England, the home team on the fixture list is at the top. So if Everton “are away to” Chelsea, it would be:





One time I saw Manchester City play at Southampton, and after an hour it was 0-0, an even and tough game. Then City scored, and they were still ahead 1-0 after 80 minutes. Southampton had to go for the equalizer, which left them open to counter-attacks, and City wound up winning, 3-0. There was general agreement that City weren’t really three goals better on the day, which means the scoreline was flattering to them.


Flatter to deceive

This is another of these fantastic English phrases that could appear nowhere else in the world. Let’s say a young starlet scores a bunch of goals for the youth team and arrives on the senior squad full of promise and hype – but then he is, as we say in the States, a bust. If you assume flatter means “give a better-than-realistic description of,” then the kid’s early performance was flattering but ultimately deceptive.

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Your recent state of play; win three in a row, you’re in good form; lose three, you’re in bad form. Same for a player. Either way, if you’re doing well, you’re “in form.”



How the players line up. They use numbers like 4-4-2, which is four defenders, four midfielders and two strikers or forwards. This gets incredibly complex and I will never try to explain it any more than this, except I’ll add that the numbers always add up to 10, because you have 11 players (shown as XI) and the goalkeeper isn’t included in the formation.



When a team is unbeatable at home, you would call their home stadium a fortress. 


Free header

Defender loses his man, the man gets to head it without being hassled; that’s a free header, which you’re expected to put in the back of the net, or at least “on target.”


From nothing

If your team hasn’t done crap the whole game, never even threatened the other team’s goal, and then all of a sudden you score when nobody saw it coming, that goal is said to have come from nothing.


Full Time

End of the game. When Americans see F (for final) on the scoreline, they know the game is Final. When English see FT, they know it’s Full Time.


Full Value

You pay a guy to play for you and he delivers, you got full value for him.






In the media, you get the impression a Geordie is just somebody from Newcastle, or a Newcastle FC fan. My friends in that area tell me a Geordie is officially somebody from certain parts of Newcastle, like a cockney is somebody from a certain part of London, not the whole city.


Get into the game

Stop playing like shit – but not in the “get your act together” command sense from America. More like, “Everton were asking all the questions for the first half-hour before Swansea started to get into the game.”



A little team that beats a big team in a cup.


Goal return

A striker’s rate of return on investment. “We paid millions for that wanker, and his goal return is shit.”



A really amazing goal.


Going forward

On the attack. As in “They have a lot of options going forward.”


Great Escape

This means avoiding relegation when it looked like you were doomed. One of the more famous was by West Bromwich Albion in 2005; they won their last game at home, then had to wait several minutes for the score of another game to ensure they “stayed up.”



This is like saying “field” in the US but also kind of means stadium. It’s a little vague to me, but I think it’s like the stadium plus the pitch equals the ground.



Really bummed out.


Hair dryer

You sucked in the first half, so in the locker room your manager is going to deliver a lot of noise and hot air at you. That’s the hair dryer. Sir Alex Ferguson was famous for this. See also throwing tea cups.



Pete bumps into Joe and Joe falls down. Pete is whistled for a foul. Now, if you’re a neutral and you think it shouldn’t have been a foul, you’d say that was harsh. If Pete is on your team, Joe is a cheat and soft and needs to get the fuck up. If Joe is on your team, Pete should be sent off.


Hat trick

Three goals by the same player in a game.

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Head for the corner

There’s this really annoying thing teams do to kill time when they are winning late in a game: they dribble into the corner, then put the ball right by the corner flag and turn their backs on the field. When defenders come, the guy with the ball can hold them off, then bounce it off them and out of bounds for a throw-in. Or wait for a foul. Or just wrestle with them and waste time.


Hit out at

What they call a response to critics in the media. So if Manager A says Manager B is a fool, Manager B might “hit out at” Manager A in the next day’s papers. See Mourinho.


Hold your hand up

Admit that you screwed up. Usually this is literal, on the field. But one time a ref threw the wrong player out of a game, then apologized to the media afterwards. This was called “holding his hand up.”



Reigning Cup champions. They hold the cup, in other words.


Hoof it

Just boot the ball high and upfield, towards your attackers. Part of “playing long ball,” an old but direct way of attacking the defense.


Hour mark

The 60th minute of game, when it’s very common to make substitutions.



A total fuck-up. Usually this is when a goalie lets in a pea-roller.


Impose themselves

Get into the game (quit playing like shit).


In packs

The way a team “on the front foot” is attacking.


Injury time

See “added time.”



Jersey or uniform. Most teams have three: home, away, and a “third” which doesn’t even match the colors of the other two. It’s hard sometimes to even figure out who you’re looking at.



A small injury.


Know about

Let’s say you take a shot and the goalie doesn’t see it but it hits the post. Somebody would say the keeper didn’t know a thing about it and you were unlucky.



A big section of seats behind a goal that hosts the most hard-core fans. Not all teams claim a kop; the most famous is at Anfield, the home stadium of Liverpool. The name, officially Spion Kop, comes from a hillside where British soldiers fought in the Second Boer War of South Africa in 1900.


Lad (bloke-mate-chap-bird)

Near as I can tell, it’s like this: “This lad is me mate, that other is just some bloke.” Chap seems a bit less dismissive than bloke. Lads is often used to refer to the team, as well, like “Get behind the lads!” Bird is for a woman, a little like our “chick” but I think less respectful. This is extremely vague territory here.


League Cup

Another tournament that includes many teams from many levels of English football, but it’s second rate to the FA Cup. Yanks can think of it as the NIT, but a little better. For “sponsorship reasons” it has been known in the past as the Capitol One Cup, the Carling Cup, the Milk Cup (!) and many others. Currently it’s the Carabao Cup, Carabao being the Thai version of Red Bull — literally “Red Water Buffalo.”



In some competitions you play twice to determine the winner, like the League Cup semis. One game at each stadium, total goals wins. So each game is called a leg, and the whole thing is called a tie.



This one seems to have lots of uses — including “fart” — but in footy I see it used as getting away with something. Your defender falls down and the opposing striker misses the goal; that’s a let-off for you. And your defender, I guess.



The linesman, eternal object of abuse and the unfortunate soul charged with enforcing the offsides rule, which few people understand and no one agrees on.


Linked with

Rumored to be signed by. You know, like some sportswriters are sitting around saying Super Striker Pete may sign with Chelsea; well, Super Striker Pete has just been “linked with” Chelsea. Ignore all sentences that include the phrase “linked with.”


Long ball

Booting or “hoofing” the ball up the pitch and hoping your guy wins it.



Somebody from Sunderland. Apparently it’s because they used to be a big shipbuilding area, and in their accent it’s “we mack-em.”


Man Manager

A really rather creepy way of saying the coach handles players’ egos well.


Manager vs Head Coach

I think a manager handles the strategy and the coach handles the players and skills, but this is unclear to me, and some teams I reckon. Often it’s the same guy, anyway.

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Guard a player.



In the States, we would just say huge, as in a huge game.


Master class

Really good, referring to a shot.



A soccer game.



When fans completely lose it in celebration, they have gone mental. Think “ape-shit.” And watch my video from Sunderland at Man United (in the League Cup) to see people going mental.



A term for Liverpool, which is on the side of the River Mersey. So the Merseyside derby is Liverpool vs. Everton.



A wonderful term for a really small team that dreams of being giant-killers in a cup.



Apparently this refers to anything thrown from the stands onto the pitch. I mean, I assume there have been no actual missiles …


MOTD/Match of the Day

A BBC program on Saturday and Sunday evenings that shows highlights and fools discussing them. It has an amazing ability, though; it manages to diss every single team in the league and never give them respect or proper air time. It might seem impossible, but just ask any single fan you meet how Match of the Day treats their team.



Jose Mourinho (JO-say mor-REEN-yo) is the manager at Tottenham Hotspur (formerly Chelsea and Man U), and the media follows him around like a bunch of groupies, reporting everything he says. I mention this because I bet that, right now, if you go to, you’ll see his name in the list of top stories, just because he spoke to someone in the media.


Neville Brothers

I think it’s awesome that the name of the greatest band New Orleans ever produced occasionally pops up during discussions of crusty old Manchester United. Alas, these Nevilles aren’t leading us in Second Line processions to Cajun rhythms; they are Phil and Gary Neville, from the Class of 92, who led Manchester United to a host of trophies in the 1990s and onward.



The English word for zero.



Your team gets the ball and heads upfield with five or six players instead of one or two? You now have numbers going forward.


Off the line

The keeper missed it but a defender on the goal line cleared it “off the line.”



What they yell at cheats or people who they think deserve a red card. Or at their own players when they play like shit.

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On frame

At the goal.


On the bounce

In a row, as in winning three games on the bounce. I think this is always positive; you don’t lose three on the bounce. Then you just “suck.”


On the front foot

A team going for it, having the momentum.


One-way traffic

If one team gets somebody sent off, or just isn’t nearly as good as the opponents, then it’s going to be one-way traffic towards their goal all day long.


Open play

There are three ways to score a goal: a set piece like a corner kick or free kick, a penalty, or in open play, which is the rest of the game. Or a howler by the keeper.


Open up

When a game has been bogged down and then starts to flow, with lots of chances, it’s said to be opening up.



What London-area fans call fans from up north. This, or dirty northern bastards. The orcs northerners respond with “soft southern bastards,” among others.



This always refers to when your midfielders are getting their asses kicked by the opposing midfielders; they say “Your midfield is getting overrun.”



The speed of play.


cartoon graphic of Chelsea bus blocking soccer goal

An effective way to snatch a point.

Park the bus

A derisive term meaning you’re not even trying to score, you’re just going for a 0-0 draw. Or it could mean you’re trying desperately to protect a one-goal lead. What they mean is you’ve parked the team bus in front of your goal.


Pea roller

For you golfers, this is like a worm burner: a shot rolling along the ground. Also known as a daisy-cutter, grass-cutter, and so on.



A cracking good shot or goal.


Pegged back

If you have a lead and the other team equalizes, you’d say you’ve been pegged back.

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What we call a trainer, the bloke that runs out with a case when somebody gets hurt.



What Americans would call out edge out: “Arsenal pipped Spurs for the fourth spot in the table again.” (Spurs fans will now curse wildly.)



The field on which the game of soccer is played.


Pounds vs quid

It’s basically “dollars” vs “bucks.” You can say something costs 5 pounds or 5 quid. Or even one quid. Just not quids. Sometimes they sell kid tickets for one pound, which they call “Kids for a quid.”



The name of the top league. But you need to know how to say it. The English say “PREH-meer.” Think “primer” with an “eh” instead of the i. They also call it the Premiership.



English football is basically a pyramid of leagues, all connected at least in theory, and binded by promotion and relegation. In the upper leagues, you get promoted or “go up” by finishing near the top of your league, and you get relegated (“go down”) by finishing near the bottom. Farther down the pyramid, in the land of minnows, it gets confusing. From the Championship (second tier) to the Premiership, there’s a playoff.

Here is a whole post abut the leagues and cups of English soccer.



A “real” round of a Cup tournament, as opposed to a qualifying round. For example, the Fourth Round Proper of the FA Cup. They also use this for things like a “proper pie.”



Really fun, referring to a game. Manchester City beat Chelsea in a “pulsating affair.” Use of this word alone makes me love English football.


Purple patch

A fine run of form; doing well. I have no idea where this comes from!


Put in a shift

He worked hard, did his job, didn’t do anything spectacular for good or ill … He put in a shift.



Skill, as in “Man City has so much quality!” Or, “Come on lads, show some fucking quality!” More or less the same as class.



If your team is attacking and creating chances, then it’s “asking questions” of the defense.


Ran out

Finished the game, as in “Ran out 2-1 winners.” When it’s an away game in a derby, they probably run faster than usual.


Red card

Immediate expulsion from the game, which opposing players deserve every time one of your lads lands on his arse.



You know who he is, but this is also what they all yell when they want a foul to be called: “Referee!” If he doesn’t call it your way, you call him a wanker and tell him to fuck off.



The painful opposite of promotion. Teams in the bottom three spots on the table are said to be in the “relegation zone.” Also known as “going down” to a lower league — except that going down frankly sounds like a lot more fun.

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The score.





Save from

If Pete takes a shot and Alex makes a terrific save, then the English would say one of two things: Pete drew a fine save from Alex, and Alex’s save from Pete was exceptional.


Score goals for fun

Remember that year Tom Brady and the Patriots were called the “video game” offense because they were just scoring touchdowns for kicks, long after the game was settled? The English equivalent of that is “scoring goals for fun.”



Score. You might say West Brom beat Villa by a scoreline of 1-0. Also, they would print that as West Brom 1-0 Aston Villa, with the home team coming first, no matter who won. If Hull wins 2-0 at Southampton, it would be Southampton 0-2 Hull.


Sent off

Got a red card.



Same as delivery. “He’s got an eye for goal, but they’re not getting him any service.”


Set pieces

Free kicks or corner kicks.



A wonderful term that refers to defense and means shitty.



Allowed a goal. Like, West Brom have shipped too many goals this season.



A word for shit which, I guess, is supposed to be more acceptable. Apparently comes from the Scottish pronunciation. Also works in songs because it rhymes with different words than “shit” does.



Awful – not surprising, necessarily, which is how Americans would use it. English people would just say “That defending was shocking.”




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A trophy you get for winning something like the League or a Cup.



If you get a close-up shot and don’t even hit the target, then you have just missed a sitter. Search YouTube for “Fernando Torres” for lots of examples.


Skin him

Your lad has the ball in the other team’s end, facing one defender, and you want him to juke that fool and go past him? You would yell, “Skin ‘im!”


Small matter

A typical bit of English understatement that comes up often, as in, “There’s a full schedule of games this weekend, including the small matter of the Tyne-Wear derby at St. James Park.”



What Americans call the game which English people call football. I wrote a whole blog post about this one.



Probably shouldn’t have been called, as in “That was a pretty soft penalty.” Also means a wuss, as in, “Get up, ya wanker! Yer soft as shite.”



Similar to its usage in American Football, as in a player getting into space. Basically means being unmarked.


Special One

Jose Mourinho, currently the manager at Tottenham. His ego is bigger than London, and he actually once called himself a Special One. Needless to say, it has stuck.


Spot kick

A penalty kick, taken from the “spot” after the referee points to it to indicate a penalty.



A team in North London called Tottenham Hotspur FC. If you want to really sound American, call it “tott-en-HAM” or “the Spurs.” It’s “tott-num” and Spurs. Or, if you’re Arsenal, it’s just “that mob up the road.” For some entertainment along these lines, enjoy “American Coach in London.”



What they call our country.



Kind of an usher/security person at a game. Their most obvious role is to line the section of away supporters to keep trouble from happening.



Verbal abuse, as in getting some stick from the opposing fans.



No doubt about it. Generally used in regard to a “penalty shot.” If you think it was a clear foul in the penalty area, you’d say, “For me, that’s a stonewall penalty.”


Stoppage time

Another way of saying injury time or added time.



A shot on goal.


Suck the goal in

Occasionally, these terms cross over into the genuinely weird-sounding, but “sucking a goal in” refers to when the fans are so enthusiastic that they will their team to score.



A verb with obvious meaning, but also a noun meaning your collective support. A common song: “Your support, your support, your support is fucking shit!”


Surplus to requirements

No longer needed. Possibly my favorite English footy expression.


Sweeper keeper

A goalkeeper who plays away from his goal quite a bit, “sweeping up” messes that his defense makes. You have to be careful, though, else this happens.



Americans call this “the standings.”



Your strategy for the game: who plays, what formation, how you go about it.

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Tactical masterclass

This would seem to mean “a manager doing a great job of developing a gameplan for victory,” but in reality you only hear it from the footballing media when a team managed by Jose Mourinho wins a game. Somehow, with him, it’s always a tactical masterclass.


Tails up

Same as being on the front foot. Don’t you just love that?


Take the piss

Crack a joke at somebody’s expense. Really important to say “the” here instead of “a.”


Teacups thrown

This is just impossibly old-school and charming. Apparently, if a manager loses it in his halftime speech, they say “There will be some teacups thrown in the dressing room.” I wonder how long since somebody drank tea in a dressing room? (See also: Hair dryer)


Team selection

Teams have 25 or so players to choose from, so their starters plus the subs available for the day — that’s your team selection.


Technical area

The area on the touch line where managers are supposed to stay. Allegedly they are spaced arms-width apart. If you want to see some fun in the technical area, search for “Mancini vs. Ferguson” on YouTube.


Three points

What you get for a win. If you lose, you get nothing. A draw is one point, and you’ve then “dropped points.”



  1. This is how they say a guy scored a goal, as in “Liverpool lead through Luis Suarez.” You hear that one a lot, actually.
  2. Past the defense and headed for goal; “Suarez is through and has to score here!”
  3. Advancing in a Cup tournament; “Suarez’s brace ensures Liverpool are through to the fifth round.”



Kind of a multi-match meeting. In the Champions League and Europa League, for example, a tie is two matches, home and away, in the “knockout stages” leading up to the final. In the FA Cup, it’s called a tie because if the first game ends in a draw, there’s a replay at the other stadium.



A style of play that uses lots of short passes, instead of crosses and “long balls.” Created by Barcelona and also used by the Spanish national team. Just YouTube it sometime and be amazed at what they do in small spaces.


Top Four

The top four teams in the league get to play in the Champions League the following year, and for years this was always Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and Liverpool. Kind of like Ohio State and Michigan being the “Big Two” in the Big Ten.

Again, here’s my guide to all the leagues and cups in England.


Total football

A system of play, invented in Holland around 1970, in which presumably every player can play every position, other than the goalkeeper. The team that invented it, Ajax of Amsterdam, won every home game for two years and won five titles in one of those seasons.



When the ball arrives and you handle it well, that was a nice touch. Kick it too hard or whatever and lose it: poor touch. Some players are said to have a nice first touch.


Touch line

The sidelines.



Winning three titles in the same season. Last done in England by Manchester United (League, FA Cup, Champions League) in 1999. Man City won a domestic treble in the 2018-19 season: League, League Cup, FA Cup.


Tyne-Wear Derby

Newcastle (Tyneside) vs Sunderland (Wearside), possibly the most bitter derby in English football. Apparently it goes back to the cities being on opposite sides of the English Civil War — in the 17th century! They’ve been playing the derby since 1883.



A term generally for Newcastle, which is on the River Tyne, but also a “minefield” I am told, similar to Geordie.


Up top

At the front, meaning your forward or strikers.



A general fool.



The City of Sunderland, home to Sunderland AFC, on the banks of the River Wear.



This refers to how hard a pass (or ball) was kicked. Too hard is a bit heavy, and too soft needed more weight.



The 90,000-seat stadium in London that’s home to all the tournament finals. So “going to Wembley” means playing for a title. A common song is “Que sera sera, whatever will be will be. We’re going to Wem-buh-ley! Que sera sera.”

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Wide / Narrow

If your wingers get the ball and send in crosses, you’re playing wide. If you just barrel down the middle of the pitch, you’re narrow. Nobody likes to be narrow except Barcelona, who simply dribble and pass through other teams using tiki-taka.



Of course, you win games, but you also win balls and headers, meaning take it away from the cheat on the other team who’s trying to get it.



Like a golazzo. If it doesn’t go in, it’s still a wonder strike. We will now travel to my beloved Portland Timbers of MLS for a Wondergoal from Darlington Nagbe.



Meaning a player who could play anywhere in the world. Michael Jordan was world-class. A particular goal can be world-class, as well.



A world-class goal like a goalazzo; not used very often but a cool term.



The Roman numeral for 11, which is how many players are on the pitch. But they use XI to say things like “They have a strong starting XI but their bench is shit.”


Yellow card

A warning; get two of them and you get a red card and you’re off. Also the worst punishment one of your lads ever deserves.

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  1. Cup-Tied – a term to describe he status of a player who has played for a team in a cup competition then moved to another team. He is barred from competing in that competition for his new team until the following season. The rule applies to all domestic and European cup competitions.

    “Hull can’t play Jelavic or Long in their FA Cup Quarter Final as both are cup-tied.”

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